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The Final Fantasy 15 Brotherhood anime tells his endearing backstory: He’s an ex-chubster who lost a ton of weight and changed his style to look good for a dude he liked - that dude being Noctis. But I’d be lying if Prompto’s tiny body didn’t make me reconsider my loyalties. Incredible.Īllegra: Simone, I would never choose a boy over you.
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Once, he took a photo mid-battle of Noctis getting his ass kicked and flying through the air. He’s so weak.Īs you run around in Final Fantasy 15, Prompto will whine and make quippy jokes. I don’t know who let him out of the house dressed like this, but I thank them. He has leopard print pants, and he has seen fit to wear a studded leather vest with a skull stitched on the back. Like Noctis, Prompto has made some brave fashion choices. He looks like you could break him in half with your pinky. Simone: Prompto is a sweet baby boy that I would destroy with my body. and he has terrible taste in friends, considering the jerks he pals around with. honestly? Kind of.īut I need to get over this self-sabotaging predilection of mine, so Noctis and I shouldn’t even try to make it work. But upon further consideration, do I really want to spend my time with a boy who’s dealing with the loss of his kingdom and is already madly in love with another girl? I mean. Square EnixĪllegra: I tend to like my boys tortured and sullen, and Noctis fits the bill right there. If Noctis asked me out, I would let him down easy. Noctis doesn’t offend me, but he also doesn’t titillate me. He is brave enough to wear capris, and I appreciate that, but he also managed to reach adulthood without learning that Sasuke from Naruto shouldn’t be anyone’s hair inspiration.ĭespite the fact that Noctis is a prince, I do not want to marry him, neither for his looks, his personality, nor the piles of money he must have lying around somewhere. Simone: Noctis is okay, but he does not thrill me. Daytime dates are a dime a dozen, Ignis if you want a girl to love you, you’ll get over yourself and those daemons you’re oh-so-afraid of.Īlso get better glasses, because goddamn, yours are not cute. Everyone knows that the night time is the right time for love, and I’m not about to rewrite the laws of attraction for this bedwetter. Apparently, this straight-laced punk is afraid of the dark. I mean, yes, it’s nice that Ignis is willing to drive his buddies around without a complaint.
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I think Noctis can handle driving his own damn car, Ignis! This guy knows how to use magic.
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There is not a single moment that went by in which Ignis did not doubt Noctis’ ability to do literally anything for himself. This four-eyed asshole is a walking "Well, actually," except replace the implied fedora with an exhausting amount of leather. That is what it would be like to date Ignis, and I love myself too much to let that happen.Īllegra: I don’t love myself, unlike Simone - but I have enough self-respect to know better than to spend any amount of time with Ignis. There was a life-size poster of Ignis behind the table where we were playing the demo, and I had to put up with him staring down his nose at me for four hours. It doesn’t have to make sense, Ignis! It’s just a joke! I don’t have time for that. As far as I can tell, Ignis is the guy who will start explaining why the joke you just made doesn’t make sense. Ignis wears a fun leopard print shirt, but he is not a fun guy. That does not make up for his insufferable personality and garbage hair. Yes, Ignis’ recipes look Studio Ghibli-level delicious. He is a bad friend and he would be a worse boyfriend. Simone: Let’s get this out of the way right off the bat. Below, we share our ogling expertise with you as we rank the four men of FF15 from "get in my bed, please" to "oh good Lord, get away from me." #4: Ignis But Noctis, Gladiolus, Ignis and Prompto are all of varying degrees of hotness - and deciding which of these sweet boys would be your dream date is a tough but crucial choice to make. You can watch us play through the game’s first chapter in the video above, but there was one other preview we needed to get out to you, our dear readers, as soon as possible.Įven if you know nothing about Final Fantasy 15, you know this: It stars a set of very, very hot boys. This week, we - that is, scholarly video producer Simone and intrepid reporter Allegra - had the privilege to dive into Final Fantasy 15 from the very beginning, during which we fought creepy demons, drove shiny cars and made friends with a seedy reporter with some terrible ‘90s frosted tips.